If
you are prone to feelings of guilt the odds are that you practice
this particular Fallacious Assumption. These feelings of guilt arise
from the mistaken belief that somehow we are able to control people,
events and circumstances. Especially those involving people, events
or circumstances for which we feel responsible. Think about this for
a moment. Do you blame yourself if your children don’t do well in
school? If your partner doesn’t get a promotion at work is it your
fault? If your best friend doesn’t make a sports team that they are
trying out for do you feel like you have let them down as a friend?
If local property rates go down do you believe that it is because you
live in the neighborhood? And what about the weather? Is it your
fault when it rains, snows or a tornado touches down in your city or
town?
Each
of these beliefs, regardless of how innocent or absurd they may
appear, are examples of personalization.
Ultimately
each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions. No one
else controls us. They may be able to exert influence on us just as
we can influence them. But that’s where our abilities end. Maybe
your child is not doing well in school because they aren’t applying
themselves. Perhaps your partner didn’t get the promotion they
wanted because they are consistently late for work. Maybe your best
friend didn’t make the team because they weren’t in good enough
physical condition. Rain and snow come when atmospheric conditions
are right. And tornadoes happen when they happen.
None
of these are your fault! Nor can you control them. You can, however,
encourage your child to study harder, help your partner get out of
bed earlier so that they aren’t consistently late for work, and
encourage your best friend to train hard enough to make the team next
time. Maybe you could even train with them! Enjoy the rain and snow.
And take cover if a tornado warning sounds. Don't blame yourself
for them!
All
of these are examples of influence, and the proper handling of
circumstances outside your control. When we understand our ability to
influence - and the shortcomings of it as well - when we accept that
natural phenomenon are outside of our control, we begin to realize
that the failures of others, fluctuating property values, weather and
natural disasters are not our fault. Any guilt that these cause is
unwarranted and should be dismissed. It’s easier to do than you
might think.